On setting it down.

How would it feel to set down the weight you’ve been carrying?

My therapist asked me that a few years ago, just before I left for my first international solo trip to Iceland. In the midst of a divorce (amicable but painful none the less), I was facing a shitstorm of loss and criticism and judgement from several members of our family. I needed a pause- in nature, alone with myself and my pain, to figure out what was next for my life. A google search told me that Iceland was the safest place for a solo female traveler, and I found a plane ticket for $247, so off to Iceland I went.

As I explored the island, I kept coming back to the question my therapist had posed. Two important clarifying questions became clear:

✨What was the weight I was *actually* carrying?
I was deeply familiar with the weight of loss of relationships and loss of life as I had known it. But deeper down, I found a pile of pain and grief from the loss of my mother, which had occurred nearly ten years prior. That deeply rooted grief of my past was coloring my current experience of loss and magnifying every ounce of pain.

✨Why was it so hard to set the weight down?
This was the lynchpin for me. I realized I had carried the grief of losing my mother around because I believed the pain was the only connection I shared with her, and letting the pain go meant losing her entirely. My grief was my way of practicing my love for her.

It felt dishonoring to discard my pain, because that meant discarding her.

I made an important decision for my life. I would unload that weight somewhere sacred where I could return anytime (in person or in my mind’s eye). I no longer needed to carry it as it was cumbersome and painful and it was negatively affecting my life and relationships.

So I set down the weight I’d been carrying, and I did so with great care and compassion. I promised it would be safe here and that I could return to visit anytime I felt called.

Unburdening the part of me that was afraid of losing my mother opened a door to my heart that allows me to love in a more connected, meaningful way.

💗 I share this story to illustrate that it’s only when we become clear about what we are actually carrying and honor it that setting it down becomes possible. If you are burdened by grief, resentment, self-doubts or shame, perhaps getting curious about what comprises the weight could lead to a lighter load.

Seydisfjordur, Iceland.